Burt ward biography book

Michael Keaton and the animated series have the best true to form Batmans in my opinion, but the cheesy, camp-tastic Adam West batman series will always have a special place in my heart. You can't watch an episode of that show and not smile at lines like "We've come a long way from the Prime Minister's exploding cake. Or have we?"

Hunting down Burt Ward's memoir of his life during the series run was pretty difficult since it's out of print and the few copies being exchanged are very expensive, but the reason for the limited quantity and the poor ratings became very apparent after blowing through the book in two sittings. Burt Warn can spin a yarn and has no qualms about scandalizing his costars and fans, but he is also an obnoxious liar. This didn't spoil it for me though. I personally loved his self aggrandizing stories that had nothing to do with the show and his constant references to his dick because it was the kind of high camp that feels in line with the essence of the series that birthed his fame.

He dishes the most shit on his best friend and more famous co-star, Adam West, but West's supposed diva behavior and dirty dad jokes were kind of fabulous in their own way, so I've not lost any respect.

Some gems from his life in tights:

-Apparently his penis was so large that even cups and tucks couldn't provide proper coverage for his bulge and all the studios were in an uproar to keep his crotch shots kid friendly. They sent a doctor to the set with penis shrinking pills for Burt and he only took them once and threw them all out the next day.

-Burt describes his dream house as so eye catching and unique that people passing through would stop by almost daily begging for a tour and even offering money

-He gets involved in an 8-way with a group of young, gorgeous prostitutes he mistook for highschool students celebrating post-prom. He uses his fingers, toes, hands, and tongue to give everyone a go at once. Yes, Jay Cartwright from Inbetweeners was right, you can fuck a girl with your toe.

-He invites Adam West to watch him make love to his french girlfriend using chocolate pudding and nut topping. He has to wave off West from encroaching on their space several times.

-Right after a chapter where he describes accepting an offer from Penthouse to shoot a sexual fantasy story layout where a costumed reverse gender rape fantasy plays out, he claims he was raped by an attractive hill billy out in the Bayou during an autograph tour. Classy.

-80% of his described sexual conquests end with the girl being a psycho or revealing some really bizarre, straight out of left field behavior that gives him an out to never see him again. I'm talking girls that brandish butcher knives and chase him through the house, girls that wield an ax in wait for him, girls that drink blood, and girls that reveal ! bisexual. But you know, he's such a nice guy so he only left them after a roll in the hay because they threatened his values or life.

-He claims him and Adam West were so popular with female fans of the show during the peak of their fame that women would often orgasm without even being touched as long as they were in their requested batman and robin costumes.